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Page 1 - In Janet's words:
"Since writing my initial ramblings I have thought a lot
of thoughts - could now probably write a book although whether
Mrs Britton and Mr Leigh would approve the style, who knows!"
CHAPTER ONE - TEACHERS
I REMEMBER.
"Bio Bill" was
perhaps my favourite, cutting off from a never boring lesson to
exclaim 'The locusts are mating, quick come and have a look!!'
I felt sorry for the locusts having their intimate moments gawped
at by so many. He also had a fish jigsaw - a fish cut in slices
along its length with a few bits from another fish to fool you.
He once pretended to be a feeding hydra with his tobacco tin.
He made it all come alive somehow although I have never recovered
from celebrating my 18th birthday with the gift of a dead rat
for dissection! (Of course in those days 18 wasn't remarkable
it was 21 although they changed it between my birthdays and I
think I 'came of age' at 19y 10m or something like that!) I felt
for the abandoned axalotle who lived in a tank just outside the
old Bio labs behind the gym. Countless pupils poked the poor things
with pencils etc whilst waiting to be admitted to the classroom.
My worse memory
was perhaps of "Eric Hilton", like others. It was
the endless boring foolscap sheets of music history which were
awful (was it Mozart who was brought up on a piano on the river
Bonn?), coupled with the tunes which we were supposed to get from
cardboard keyboards! But I still love Vaughan Williams' 'Fantasia
on a theme by Thomas Tallis'. Miss Handley(?) in the
earlier years was much nicer. We watched her wig with interest
to see if it moved round her head.
"Chips"
had to take our set for maths for a while (I guess someone was
sick). He got us to draw E circles which never touched the lines
they were supposed to because they were so intricate. He wrote
things like 'should try harder' on all of my reports except the
last one where he actually said that I had 'shown qualities of
leadership which he would not have expected in my earlier days'.
Of course I remember THAT word on the board as others have mentioned.
I seem to remember that Philip Oppery was once kicking the (rather
thin) wall that divided the classroom from Chips' study. Oops!
his foot went through and Chips descended rapidly to catch him
red footed!
"Min"
wrote home to my mother because I wore my MAYC (Methodist Association
of Youth Clubs) scarf to school. It was a brill university type
of striped thing. But it was green and yellow which were the colours
of Hanham Road Secondary Modern - how could a Grammar School Girl
do such a thing! I also got told off for wearing a gold bracelet
and lots of badges on my blazer
lapels. Min taught me Latin in the first year (after which we
ditched each other) and I remember 'Decem urni pendent ex muro'
(or something like that) which roughly translated to '10 green
bottles'. The best bit about Min was seeing her in a tennis dress
because she always turned out for the staff v pupils tennis tournament.
She resembled the Queen Mum rather and seeing her rather round
little body darting across a tennis court was quite amusing.
"Mrs Britton"
made me miss break on a regular basis because I never could analyse
clauses. It always amused me that I got A' level English.
"Mr Joy"
was not although I remember he had a nice wife. One day I
was reading a comic in maths while a friend of mine sat at the
next desk was doing her French homework. Mr Joy marched down the
classroom to the back row shouting as he came. I knew my comic
was destined for the bin in several pieces. Yet I was wrong. My
friend got red lines through her French homework. All because
you never knew if the real eye or the glass eye was on you!!
"Mr Humphries"
was very laid back and used to nip out for a quick fag. In the
days when you couldn't leave school after exams I helped him with
the timetable for the next year which was quite fascinating.
Our Cookery teacher
(can't remember the name) made me chuck a sicky one day. We always
had a demonstration from her of what we had to do the following
week. One week she cut off fishes heads and pulled out their guts.
Having to put said remains in the bin after her dissection (wrapped
in a copy of the Evening Post) was bad enough, so the following
week I had a bad dose of what my indulgent mother used to call
'Historical Bubbles'. I was always fascinated by 'The Flat' which
was off the Domestic Science room. It was rumoured that people
stayed in it for a night but I never knew anyone who did.
Our PE teacher
(name gone) used to advocate cross country for girls. I was always
larger than average and although I loved swimming and enjoyed
netball and tennis and a bit of hockey (on the field which is
now a roundabout) cross country was NOT for me. Somehow about
4-6 of us evised a cunning plan. We would walk down to the level
crossing at Warmley and then spend the rest of the lesson in the
signal box. We were even allowed to open and close the gates sometimes,
although it was very hard to do. Once said games mistress got
stuck at the gates and we all had to prostrate ourselves until
the train had gone through. Never heard the signal man complain
about
having several girls in less clothing than usual (no we could
never call our games kit scanty) in his signal box!
Then what about
"Mr Griffin" who ran Sea Scouts (remember the life
boat launching apparatus in the playground between the back of
the hall and the huts?). When running the group he sometimes turned
up in uniform which included short trousers. It was not a pretty
sight. Then there
was Scruff (Geog). Was he Mr Morris? A new girl came in the 3rd
year and actually went to the staff room and asked for Mr Scruff
- and he appeared! He once asked me the population of Bristol.
I never have had any concept of such things (didn't do Geog at
O' level). I must have said something daft like 843. His reply
was that it was such a daft answer that I should be made to count
all the legs in Bristol and divide by 2. Very legist - what about
one legged people?! Mr Leigh always did more than was natural
with his hands - got very passionate about Hamlet and Chaucer!
"Mr Parfitt"
(Art) - whom we called Fartpit because we didn't like him much
- never had much time for me because I was much more crafty than
artful. Did go on to do Craft at Teacher Training College (reasonably
successfully as a second subject) so a raspberry to him!
"Miss Alexander"
of course did Biology. I loved Human Bio although I opted out
of the eye dissection (I'm not into eyes). Can't remember Colin
Bond bringing in the stomach although Colin and I did star together
in a school play (a later chapter perhaps).Of
course there are others. Mr Blake had B.O., Mr Devonnal yelled.
Seem to remember that I had someone called Sexy Sercombe for French.
I had someone long suffering for History who always allowed my
fiend and I to sit together for History but I think we only once
made it to the end of the lesson together. There was a poor lady
teacher who taught us RE (was this Miss Lindley?). We made her
cry at one point and she went off to Africa to be a missionary
(an easier task I expect). Miss Baldwin had the unenviable task
of teaching us 'Us eof English' in the 6th form. We read lots
of plays. I love drama (main subject at college) but it was not
cool to volunteer to read parts, which I really longed to do.
After seeing me in 'A Christmas Carol' (another chapter too?)
she deemed me a thespian and gave me parts. Cool maintained, objective
achieved! I never did get to sit at the feet of Mr Otty (no justice
in this world!).
Well that's about all
of chapter one. Do tell me if you NEVER want to read any subsequent
chapters. Despite my escapades in history I have grown to love
the subject (always did if it didn't include corn laws etc and
George III going mad again) and find it fascinating that I can
now be a part of it. (Does that sound old or ancient?!)
That's
Part One of my profile - What about yours? - Regards Janet
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